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from now on​.​.​.

by azere

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1.
lunar eclipses and cheap liquor and if you've ever listened to me you should now. I'll be speaking at the volume of a whisper dictating my history out loud from intellect to feeling and back again until I feel a little surer in my step 'til I sleep a little deeper at my friend's house 'til I'm happy waking up in my own bed 'til I'm happy Wide eyed and digging for gold. My frosted windows to the soul say nothing of the love it feels, to keep my lovers on their toes. For better or for worse from hospital to hearse/ My wit fancies its chances but you keep your lips pursed and your feet... your feet firmly planted on the ground, you take my hand and spin me round. I'm rarely one for dancing these days but my memory caught a sound. That flies me back to Leicester, playing kiss chase in the yesteryear. Sewn up knees on school trousers and if I plug my ears I sometimes hear those shouts and playground scuffles that never were resolved until you glanced in my direction And caught sight of a soul
2.
leave the light on when you go I only want the dreams I wasn't sold and I wonder if you were one of those I wonder if you were one of those and I wish you weren't perfect but you make me feel that way and if I hadn't been hurt yet I wouldn't run so far away sleeping with an open door hearing all the words I can't forget it never feels like the first time anymore whens the last time I said what I really meant and all the minutes turn to days to nights another bedroom thinking about a night that my memory repressed you taught me that my worst enemy is myself who else to blame, who else to blame? tracing lines on your back another funk to get through but everything's fucked when I try and forget you yeah everything's fucked sleeping with an open door hearing all the words I can't forget I never know what I want from love anymore but whens the last time I ran through your head?
3.
and what did we expect? coffee and orange juice and fried eggs stepping out the shower with your hair wet, I'm in awe. and what did we expect? someone to hold our hand and watch the sunset we could talk for hours and I'd never get bored. and what did I expect? watching you float through Paris in that sundress everything is everything like the song says so why do I want more? why do I want more? with the wrong words here I could break a heart but everytime I try to write I don't know where to start when I know has to finish. So stuck on making my art that my emotions diminished as the days turn to hours turn to minutes, stuck in my room skipping dinner again. the kitchen too loud, I spent too long in the mirror, thinking I had to pretend to be something other than what I saw. It's just a thought, I didn't have much else, still remember my hands smelling of copper from those pounds and pence, on the way to your house on the old faithful 10 I just hope I get to feel that way again just hope I get to feel that way again beginning without thought of an end.
4.
When you slip into the river and float downstream, first swim a little, then tread water to keep your head in the air, then tip it back and kick your legs up to the surface. With your ears underwater, the world goes silent, and if you close your eyes, all you are is floating. Open them to see the sky in whatever colors, and don’t ask them to stand for anything. Whoever you’re with is whoever you’re with, while so many others are before and after those who are part of you. Everybody sees each other in the current and on the shore that you begin to head back to with a stroke across the stream until first one foot and then the other finds a rock and then sand and gravel to stand on as your body emerges from the water like a body.
5.
6.
From Now On 03:01
from now on I'll see the world for all its colours and it won't be long until the birds fly back for summer and you've been gone so I've been staring at the constellations wondering where I'm from and how to get back there I'll forget what got me here if that takes me back to where I was...
7.
i can't see the sun from my side of the house so I went for a run to shake off these doubts i reached the reservoir in time for all my thoughts to fall in line and if not now then when? i can't see myself letting go again but then how and to what end? some days i see the woods where we would play pretend one afternoon with Grandad in the Corbridge music store he's handing me a guitar book and asking if I'm sure that this is what I want to do and that glimmer in his eyes I'll never lose if not myself then who would write all these songs for the stars and moon? and what else is there to do while I'm here waiting for you

about

for Granddad John

credits

released October 25, 2019

All songs written, produced, mixed, and mastered by Rowan Lees.

'Rheinschwimmen' lyrics and vocals by Andrew Shields
'Song of the Partisan' Brass arrangement and performance by Nathan Warnes

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about

azere Newcastle Upon Tyne, UK

I make songs - listen here đź“€

I make soundtracks - reach me at azeremusic@gmail.com đź’«

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